Swamiji answers questions, and raises larger ones... 

Conquering Anger

Anger is only one letter away from danger.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Is there ever an appropriate place for anger?

Spiritual masters may express anger. It depends what they need to achieve in that moment.

Yes, Jesus became angry once when he whipped the merchants out of the temple. So it must be okay to be angry.

How do you know he was angry?Spiritual masters do not have the bondage of human emotions. However, they can use emotion to create a specific psychological effect in people.

So it’s a pretend anger?

Anger is just one of the many tools they use to effect a spiritual change. The realized master uses anger for the benefit of the disciple. But our anger uses and abuses us.

How?

When we react angrily, the mood stays with us for some time. Whereas in the case of a master, the moment he has finished his interaction with that person, it is over. Not a trace of the emotion remains. I've seen Baba, my spiritual preceptor, treating a disciple very harshly, and then turning to another one sitting next to him and being all smiles and sweetness, and then rebuking the first one again.

But that’s abuse! He’s humiliating his student in front of others.

A master’s “anger” is actually a gift—it is only bestowed on certain students whom he knows have developed a little inner strength to withstand the energy. Because that is all it is: a quick burst of concentrated energy to shift the disciple’s perception very profoundly.

But there are many false teachers who are angry, and have genuinely abused their students. How do you know the difference then?

It’s a matter of intention. The true master has only the highest welfare of his student in mind, and no personal interest in the interaction.

How do you know that it is for your benefit only, when it can be painful at times?

The Dalai Lama explained once that Westerners accept their spiritual teachers too quickly. In the Tibetan tradition, he pointed out, “A student spends years with a teacher observing his behavior, questioning others about him, noting whether he lives the principles he teaches, before deciding to take him on as a guru. Indeed, in the early years of practice, students are encouraged to doubt both teachers and teachings.”

Is that the only way to know, then?

You start with this general attitude. Gradually, the student develops intuition, viveka (spiritual discrimination), which will enable her to discern the fake from the real. And that will only come through practicing a genuine spiritual technique.

Will an authentic spiritual technique remove my anger?

There is nothing to “remove” or “release.” Meditation allows you to see the cause of the anger, and then transform it. Mahatma Gandhi said, “As heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world.”

What do you mean, emotion cannot be released? Sometimes I feel so full of anger, that I need to let it out.

Anger does not come in measurable quantities. The prevalent cliché in the West is to see emotions as steam in a pressure cooker. When the pressure becomes excessive, people look for appropriate ways to release the steam, instead of blowing up.

What’s wrong with that?

By focusing exclusively on the steam, we forget to put out the fire. It makes us feel good in the moment, but it’ll never make us free. I’ll give you an example. In an otherwise wonderful book on spiritual education, I came across an insane technique: when parents are feeling very angry with their child, they are encouraged to go outside or get in their car, and rip up a picture of their child while screaming at it; or kick or hit something as if they were doing it to their child. This book, incidentally, was a US best-seller. [Sigh.]

Sounds like a safe release to me. They already feel these emotions anyway.

That’s what these misguided authors thought, too. But it actually makes you rehearse the anger and learn to associate violence with the image of your child. Next time you see her, she is unconsciously linked to the image of ripping up or beating. And the more you practice it, the more you reinforce the pattern.

So what do we do to turn off the fire, then?

What do you think causes anger?

Well, there can be so many causes—someone does something bad to me, or I don’t get what I want, or…

Yes, our expectations are the trouble. Ramana Maharshi, the great sage from South India, puts it this way: “Desire is the root of anger. Desirelessness is absolute happiness.” The reason you feel anger is because something or someone failed to meet your expectations.

But how can you live without expectations? Is that not permissiveness? Everything goes, I should accept every shoddy good and evil behavior?

You have to do your duty, but without anger. When correction or punishment is required, do it with love. If your kid makes a very bad mistake, it would be a sin to ignore it. You must explain to them “What you did was very dangerous; it is hurting you, and it is hurting me. Please do not do it again.” Sometimes you may need to shout or physically handle them (for example if the child is about to cross the road in front of a car) to impress their mind. But always be loving with them so that they never fear losing your love. Eventually the child will return if they know that this love is always waiting for them, unconditionally, no matter how many times they made the mistake. This is the beautiful parable of the prodigal son in the Bible.

What about if the child is a mass murderer. Would it not be reasonable to reject such an evil creature? They belong to hell.

They are already in the hell of their own tortured mind. To withhold love from them is to prevent any possibility of redemption for them. Jesus gave his final and foremost commandment at the Last Supper: “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12) Did Jesus ever reject a sinner? It does not mean that he did not correct them. But he extended the mantle of his love to the entire human race, however degraded they may have become. A mother virtually never rejects her child, whatever crime they may have committed. Once she has held this little bundle of joy and softness close to her heart, she can never forsake that love. In that sense, a mother’s love for her own child is the closest to the love that God has for all His children.