| 21 June, 2004
My Sweet Mother,
Om namo narayanaya. I pray that your soul guides you always to the highest joy.
Thank you for your loving letter. It seems you have been indulging in a wee bit of self-pitying lately. We all go through these phases. I too, went through it sometimes. Recently I was even complaining to God: "Why are You sending me so much persecution and defamation and trouble simply for wanting to help poor children?" I received a beautiful answer, which I will share with you because it has helped me immensely. The answer was, "Because I want you to succeed!"
Every pain and challenge we receive in life has this purpose: to make us stronger in our faith. With unshakable faith, we can achieve the impossible (in the eyes of the worldly-minded). With sputtering faith, we will never reach the top of the spiritual climb.
I am everyday praying for you and your husband, and offering puja for you both. Why say "I do not deserve this..." or "There are so many mothers more deserving..."? Let God judge, not your ego. Remember this: self-pity is not spirituality; it is the work of the ego.
Be free, Ma, and find peace. Why go on doubting about our love endlessly? Here in India I am getting the same reactions. "When you go to the West, what will happen to the children? Will you forget us? Will you return?" I know this is motivated by love, but it is of a limiting kind. And as children of God, we are capable of so much more in our love!
Baba once said, "I am like the bumble bee: where there is honey (love), I go." I feel the same way. Whenever and wherever love calls, I go. So why be afraid? Are you able to turn off the source of love within you? You could never do it even if you tried.
Lord Jesus once revealed to St Angela of Foligno, "My love for you is no trifling thing." Meditate on these words. We have received so much from God and Baba. What is our responsibility faced with this uncalled-for supreme gift? Let all your doubts and fears melt in gratefulness only. Let nothing else remain. Only, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Till the end of your earthly sojourn.
God bless you. I bow to you both.
Humble,
Sarveshwarananda
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